Anxiety
by Azfixiation
Summary: ShizNat. Maybe not a oneshot! Gasp. Can a perfect morning really last between these two?
1. Chapter 1

A/N - Wow, this is probably the most personal thing I've ever written. For those of you that know me, you'll know exactly where this came from. And gasp! It might not be a one-shot! But it may stay like this. I guess we'll see what happens. haha. Thanks again to all of you who read my stuff and leave me such amazing reviews. You all are the amazing ones.

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**Anxiety**

By: Azfixiation

I keep telling myself to open my eyes, despite the fact that they already are. Surely this can't be real. My fingers reach out to run through the cobalt tresses that are sprawled on my pillow. My heart catches as she begins to stir, a slight moment of fear lodging its way into my chest. What if she regrets this?

The only thing I can think of is to close my eyes and pretend that I'm still asleep. Give her the chance to slip out if she wants. A moment goes by before I feel her shifting, rolling over to face me no doubt. I try to keep my breath even and give no sign that I'm awake. "Oi, Shizuru," she whispers, bringing her hand up to cup my cheek. "I know you're awake."

"No," I mumble, unable to stop the smile as I feel her thumb caressing my skin. No running away. So far so good. Play it cool, Shizuru.

"Afraid I was going to leave, weren't you?" I open my eyes slightly, and the first thing I see is her lopsided grin. How is it possible she knows me so well?

"Maybe I just wanted to see if Natsuki would wake me with a morning kiss," I giggle, not wanting to let my fears push her away. Besides that blush of hers is simply too irresistible.

"I guess I could manage that," she says before propping herself up on her elbow in front of me. "But only if you give me back that mayo you hid last night."

Her eyebrow arches as she looks down at me. Her newfound boldness brings out my own, as I reach my hand behind her neck and pull her down to me without answering. I will not have my Natsuki turning the tables on me this early in the morning.

She doesn't resist when our lips meet, so I continue to pull her down on top of me. "Maybe Natsuki should spend the night every night," I tease further.

"Don't push it," she says as she graces me with another beautiful blush. Our eyes lock before I feel her fingers brushing the bangs from my eyes. "You are so beautiful, Shizuru."

Her lips capture mine once more, gently this time though. As if she is kissing me with all the love she can summon within her. The tears fall from my eyes as I feel her weight on top of me. "Natsuki…"

I can't hold myself back any longer, so I bite gently on her bottom lip, wanting to see how far she will let me go. This is the game we have danced around for so long. Me pushing to see where our boundaries lie. Yes, she loves me. That much is evident. Yet still she has never given herself completely to me. Not her heart nor her body.

This isn't the first time we've been in this situation. Far from it. This is try number… three? Or is it four? Who's going to break whose heart this time, my precious Natsuki?

Her leg slides between mine and instinctively my hips press upwards against her, the softest moan escaping from my lips. It's only when I feel her fingers teasing their way under the hem of my shirt, nails grazing against my skin, that I'm flooded with fear once more. "Don't be such a tease," I nearly pant out as her teeth gently graze the skin of my neck.

She only grunts a response as she kisses her way back to my jaw. "Shizuru?" She jumps off me when she finally realizes that I am crying. Had I even realized I was crying?

"Forgive me Natsuki," I try to laugh, but it turns out more like a choke.

Instead of the sigh of frustration I have become used to over the years, this time she gently scoops me into her arms as she lays back down next to me. "It's ok this time."

"Is it? I don't think I can lose you again," I reply honestly.

"I don't know. Why does it always have to come to this? Can't you ever just let it be?" I can feel the discomfort in her voice. I know she hates it when I am like this. "You're the one who always runs away anyways…"

"Because I don't think I could survive if my Natsuki broke my heart," I say softly. It's the truth.

"Maybe you should learn to believe in me a little bit." Her voice is bitter and the harshness makes me wince. How is it that her body is so soft against me when her words are so cold? Will everything always be at opposites with us?

"How can I believe, when you will never commit? Am I yours when it is convenient?" I push myself away from her and walk to the window, my own arms reaching around my waist as I try to keep my composure.

"Why do you have to be this way!?" Her voice is tense, but how many years can I continue to hold this in? "How can I do anything when you're so afraid of me?"

"I'm not afraid of you. You know that. I'm afraid of myself. And I'm not the one who always leaves. You're the one who left me first."

"And I've done everything I could since then to make it up to you. I love you, Shizuru. Stop running away. Believe in me. No, I'm not perfect. But I love you, ok? I'll… I'll try to show it better, I guess. Just stop running."

Before I can register the depth of her words, her strong arms encircle me as she hugs me from behind. We stay silent as I enjoy the strength her embrace seems to fill me with. "I'll stop running," I say finally as she rewards my decision with a tight hug. "Please don't shatter me, my Natsuki."

"I have to go…"

Her voice is sad, and despite knowing she has somewhere else to be, it seems too painful to let go after such an emotional moment. "You'll call?"

"Of course. Now look at me." As she says this she gently guides my chin to the left as she adjusts so that I can see those beautiful emerald eyes of hers. "I. Love. You."

"I love you too," I force a smile as I say this, but the sinking in my stomach isn't subsiding.

Quickly she changes, giving me another kiss before making her departure. Sure, it's only three days. We've gone years without talking before. It's not that I can't make it. But can she keep her word this time?

Please don't let me down this time Natuski… Not when I've promised so much to you.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N - So, I hope this is somewhat satisfying. I'm too impatient for plot. But now everyone can know what Natsuki chose, ne? I know I'm happy to know what she decided on.

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**Anxiety **

By: Axfixiation

The light on the clock flashes 11:17 when I feel her crawling into bed with me. Three days and no call as she had promised. Sure I kept myself busy with getting my hair done, visiting old friends, even started a new book. But it doesn't mean that just because I can keep myself busy that I've forgotten about her broken promise. What had you so busy while you were away Natsuki?

"Are you asleep Shizuru?" she asks quietly as she turns off the light next to my bed. I make no motion to move or speak, unable to decide if I even want her here right now. "I guess so," she continues. "I'm sure you're mad, but hopefully this will make up for it a little."

Her arms snake around my waist and against my better judgement I snuggle up to her. Damn her for being my biggest weakness. Damn me for loving her so much that she gets away with murder. Despite my frustration, the weariness of the last few days quickly sinks in as I relax into her embrace, thinking of the night we met as I drift off to sleep.

By the time morning comes I find myself alone in bed. Shocked that she would actually be awake before me I hastily rush downstairs to make sure she is at least still here. Had I been so tired that I imagined it all? Certainly not.

The smell of tea and toast confirms that I am not losing my mind. I glance around to find her sitting at the table staring out the window. "Ara, Natsuki is making me breakfast?" I ask, forcing a smile though I'm still uncertain how I should feel.

"It's just toast. Don't get so excited." her voice is flat but her actions make up for it as she rises to give me a quick kiss. "I was tortured out there."

"Oh?" I ask as I take a seat and bring my tea to my lips. "I didn't think anything with motorcycles could constitute as torture for you."

"It is when I am forced to wear a dress for a formal dinner!" she says with distress. "It was awful. And don't even think about laughing." Her face is already red before she even looks up at me.

"Maybe if my Natsuki gives me a picture of that I can forgive her for not calling," I say half serious, half joking.

"Oh yeah, sorry about that." _That's it? _"Look, it's not like that Shizuru. I just needed some time to think about everything. And I came back to you, right?"

"And will you be leaving again?" I ask stiffly, but I need to know.

"Not again. Ever."

I look at the grin on her face, and I see the love in her eyes. Yes, she loves me. I've always known. Ever since that night I forced it out of her. I relax, remembering my own promise to stop running away. "Then I think I deserve to see Natsuki in a dress. You know, as an I'm sorry gift?"

"Oi, not going to happen." Her arms cross over her chest as she tries her best to look defiant.

"You look like a five year old who has to eat her veggies," I giggle. "I think Natsuki should take me on a date today to go dress shopping."

"I think you should shut up if you know what's good for you," she growls out.

Unable to hold back my laugh I move over to her and wrap my arms around her neck. "I think Natsuki should give me what I want, if she knows what is good for her. Has she forgotten what I am capable of?"

Our eyes meet for a brief moment but before I can make my next move I feel her lips pressing against mine, her fingers on the back of my neck pulling me closer to her. "I think I'm the one in charge now, Shizuru," she murmers against my lips before sliding her tongue out against my lower lip. All thoughts of torturing her in exchange for her broken promise fly out the window as her hands slide under my shirt, teasing the soft skin of my stomach. "I'm ready, Shizuru."

"So early in the morning?" I tease as her teeth graze the skin of my neck. I try desperately to take back dominance as a small moan escapes my lips when her fingers deftly slide further up, grazing over the thin cloth of my bra.

_You win, as always my Natsuki._

"Hmm I suppose you're right, it is early isn't it?" she asks as she suddenly pulls away from me. I fight back a slight whimper at the loss of contact but wait to see what her next move is. "And I do owe you a date, do I not?"

"Ara, you are a meanie," I let myself pout. This is the most free I have ever felt with her, and I'm not about to let this moment go. "I guess now you'll just have to get two dresses for teasing me."

"That wasn't teasing!" she cries out, the blush quickly rising to her cheeks as she turns away from me. "It was a promise."

"Then I must think of more things for you to make promises to. But first I'm going to shower." I pause to lean over and bite gently on her ear before whispering, "Would Natsuki care to join me?"

"N..no!" she stammers as I start to walk away. Before I can get to far away I feel her firm grip wrapping around my wrist and I'm abruptly pulled into her arms. "I'm in love with you, Shizuru."

I don't say anything as I lay my head on her chest, letting the words sink in. It is the first time she has ever said them that way. I know I don't need to respond. She knows how I feel. She knows this is my dream.

"Does this mean you will wear the dress?" I laugh against her chest before she pushes me away.

"Go shower," she glares, but the love is still in her eyes.

I quickly kiss her lips before retreating to the stairs, a contented sigh escaping my lips. This time I know we won't lose each other.


End file.
